4 Robot Doomsday Scenarios

It has finally arrived: DOOMSDAY. We have reached the end of our robotic series, and as promised, it's going out with a bang. Even the U.N. is worried about this, as evidenced by an upcoming conference convening on the ethicality of fully autonomous weapons and "Killer Robots." After alluding to their capabilities over the past few months, we will now explicitly describe how automated machines could bring about our demise through technology already introduced and that expected in the near future:

There is No Salvation

1. First and foremost, all-controlling computer networks such as those shown in movies like Terminator and iRobot are becoming more of a reality everyday with the progress made by companies like Google, who recently acquired Boston Dynamics. Already with bipedal robots capable of using human tools, Google's latest venture is primarily funded by, you guessed it, the U.S. Military via its Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA). Imagine a company who knows everything about your interests, financial information, and buying habits through your internet usage, knows your location and primary contacts through your phone, can physically SEE YOU at any given moment with its satellites, and now is teaming up with the organization that can send a remote-controlled plane to take out a small town and spends more on weapons than the GDP of most countries. It's not a stretch to make the connection here, and there's nothing you can do about it, even moving to a desert island....

It was Less Intimidating in Terminator...

Truth

2. The second imagined scenario is inspired by the likes of A.I. Artificial Intelligence in which humanoids become so advanced that they are self-aware and potentially self-serving.  Living side-by-side in harmony may be a great theory for those touting new technology for sale but we believe it would only be a matter of time before one population or the other outgrows to the point of conflicted space. As we've discovered, humanoids are already replacing us in the sex industry, being integrated in medicine and dentistry, and are even driving by themselves. Who's to say there won't come a day when they decide to eliminate inefficient, carbon-based homosapien counterparts?

Sure, it Looks Cute Now... 

3. This is where it gets scary. I know what you're thinking, now is when it gets big? Well, in our imaginations, now is when it gets small with the future potential threat of nano and microtechnology. While this is most likely in the way way future, this particular genre of engineering provides some of the greatest potential for future usage, including warfare, as it could be virtually impossible to defend against a swarm of machinery so minute it can permeate human brain tissue. After being printed to custom specifications by anybody who wants to threaten others with a 3-D Molecular Printer like this one, the bots could be directed to administer lethal toxins to millions if not billions of people at the same time. When combined with the likes of an omnipotent super-computer being like Google is predicating who could control their actions, these microscopic robots seem virtually unstoppable. If you're a reader, check out Michael Crichton's book Prey for an extended explanation of this possibility.

Don't Look Too Close

4. Finally, and perhaps most realistically, as humans increasingly introduce automation into the manufacturing process, there could reach a point in which consumer goods, industrial goods, and even weaponry are produced entirely by a computer program and various robotic equipment. This runs the risk of isolating human intervention and control and at some point, such as after a large war, mass disease, or other such large event. At this point, computers and robots, now self-replicating, may not have the discretion to control their production habits and could exhaust natural resources or destroy the natural environment to the point that it is uninhabitable by us more fragile life forms. Check out the short story Autofac by Philip K. Dick, author inspiring such movies as Minority Report, Paycheck, and Total Recall for his interpretation of this scenario. If given the mandate of self-preservation, robots will be competing with humans over a finite amount of resources available. Who knows who would win that battle...

Disney's Revenge: There Will Be No Survivors

After the intensive research conducted in the writing of this research, we have concluded that there is only one possible salvation from this madness:

It's Turbotime!!

Robot Warfare: Just Another Form of Outsourcing

The subject of robotics in warfare is one that has captured the imaginations of book readers and moviegoers alike as far back as the 19^th century. However, World War II broke the fiction barrier with the introduction of the first functional combat robots, such as the Germans’ remote-operated demolition bots or the Soviets’ teletanks. Since that time, technology has continued to progress with the commonly publicized Unmanned Arial Vehicles (“UAVs” or “drones”) or the demolition robots used to disarm various explosives (see The Hurtlocker). While there are many ethical arguments exploring their controversial uses, the technology is here to stay as the U.S. Military is investing heavily in research and development of increasingly automated systems. Even private companies are getting involved, bringing visions of Ironman to the forefront; the Atlas, developed by Boston Dynamics, is the first in what is sure to be a long line of future “Robo Sapiens.”

Boston Dynamics' Atlas Robot

More Boston Dynamics, Robot Mules That Do More Than Smell Bad

• One of the most advanced drones that is currently in use by the U.S. Army is the X-47. This drone is able to take-off, fly, sail, and land on an aircraft without any human assistance. Before you start freaking out and moving to an island, we have to say that the "good thing" about this drone (besides being able to do reconnaissance and identify targets) is that the X-47 is not built to kill anyone; in fact, it is not even weaponized.

R. Kelly's Already Working on a Song About This

• Despite what science fiction is predicting, today war robots are just complex robotic-weapons controlled by a human. These warriors are not capable of making decisions or acting on their own. Having a Terminator on the battlefield, fighting side by side (or against) a human soldier raises a lot of ethical and philosophical controversy. Can a robot decide to kill someone? Do robots have malice or hatred? Who is responsible for a murderous robot?

Why Couldn't They Have Sent In the Drones?

• Now, things are starting to change; autonomous robots are coming. PackBot, one of the famous bomb diffuser robots that has been deployed in more than 30 countries, is getting an update that will allow it to make decisions alone in certain situations such as following GPS points on a map or going back to its controller after loosing contact. These are small steps in creating a real Skynet, but some experts think that the slow progress is due to people's resistance of an autonomous robot in this field. Everyone from NGOs such as Stop Killing Robots to members of government armies have expressed their concern about this topic.

Does This Mean We Could Be Out of a Job Too?

• Some examples of what robots can do today in the field are Samsung’s SGR1 (developed in South Korea and able to recognize a human and use a machine gun), Boston Dynamic’s walking dogs, and bomb detectors and flying drones made by a variety of companies. None of them have real artificial intelligence yet, but this is definitely a preview of what is waiting for us in the future. We don’t know if we are scared or excited about all this, but changes are on their way regardless.

SGR1, Now For A Version For Detecting Late Teenage Children

And You Thought the NSA Was Scary...

• A boy paralized from the waist down walks on a football field and kicks a ball with its own feet. Impossible? Not anymore. A young Brazilian boy is supposed to do exactly that. He is supposed to kick-off the first ball at the Football World Championship in Brazil in 2014 supported by so-called “mind-controlled leg armour”.  This means that motorized metal braces will support and bend the boys legs steered by devices plugged directly into the brain, stabilized by gyroscopes and powered by a battery pack carried around in a backpack. Additional electrodes placed into the brain will even relay a feeling of pressure when each foot touches the ground. This is only a small step (no pun intended) from warfare development.

This?

Or This?

It's easy to theorize and fantasize about what could come from combining weapons and artificial intelligence but at this point all that's needed is a short wait. From giving humans new killing tools to having fully automated, self-reliant beings, robotics in warfare is expanding at as a rapid a pace as Schwarzenegger's biceps in the 1970s. It's only a matter of time before Arnold himself weighs in on the matter, maybe rehashing a few of his nightmares from his Terminator days.

"I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun"

7 reasons why having sex with a robot is better than having sex with humans

You spend years looking for the right partner, or perhaps one drunken night, just to subject yourself to all sorts of risk to your heart or your career when all you want is a few minutes (or seconds) of pleasure. Today's society focuses on instant gratification, with new apps like Tinder skipping all of those dreaded dating steps of yesteryear. Well, we believe that in the future you will be able to take that just a little bit further with the sex robots currently being developed. Here's why you should forego the skin and stick with the tin:

1. No judgment or reputation risks: Sexbots don't judge performance or spread rumors the morning after. They are clean, quiet, and discreet and aren't fuel for social ridicule or ostracism. There is no illicit activity involved in their use and, at least as of 2014, you don't have to worry about blackmail at your kid's birthday party.

Cowboy Caught Cheating with Wife, Runs from Husband

2. Ready when you are: These robots have an on and an off switch, just like any other piece of equipment. While this statement may seem fairly straightforward, imagine the underlying implications. No foreplay necessary, no fights, morning breath, monthly timeouts or alcohol-induced incompetencies. Why waste your precious time?

Talk About Being Turned On

3. No diseases or unwanted pregnancy: Researchers in New Zealand are theorizing that by the year 2050, traditional prostitution and sex tourism could be replaced by sexbots who do not transfer STIs or have other complications. Imagine Amsterdam's famous red light district filled with Androids...

Match Made in Heaven

4. No guilt: Although we're a long way from a world in which sexbots reign supreme, the question has already been raised as a topic of debate: does spending a night with one of these love androids qualify as cheating? There is no unanimous agreement and the small majority views this relationship as infidelity but there is a growing margin of uncertainty and acceptance. At the least, if you're one of those who worries about how robot contact would be viewed by your human partner, there is no danger of that revealing sext message blowing your cover.

Anthony Weiner, Take Notes...

5. 110% creativity: Finally, try whatever suits your fancy, or stay away from those uncomfortable positions of the past. These new robots are whipped cream safe, just stay away from submerging in your jacuzzi.

6. Variety: Tired of seeing the same old person all the time? Looking for a little change on occasion but don't want the hassle of searching out new partners or being judged for finding many? The sex robots of the future have the ability to change personalities and appearances to keep the spice in your life. Whether you want new sizes, colors, shapes, or even languages, the (sex robot) world is your oyster....

"The best activities for your health are pumping and humping" - Arnold Scharzenegger

7. Low cost: Currently offered "companions" such as Roxxxy (robot lovers) cost as little as $995, require no wining and dining, and once bought will be yours forever. There are no unnecessary and costly doctor visits, pills, condoms, or any of the number of expenses associated with the romance world.

Ain't Saying She (He) A Gold Digger